Bisexuality:  Fact or Fiction

Is There Such a Thing as a Bisexual Man?

Some of my friends who identify themselves as gay, claim that bisexuality is just a stage in accepting one’s own homosexual identity.  I might be proof of their claim, since I used to consider myself as bisexual and now refer to myself as gay.  However, I disagree with that position from four perspectives.

• The famous Kinsey study, which classified men’s sexual behavior, yielded the greatest number of classifications in the bisexual category.  While there were many design problems with Kinsey’s study, it’s not wise to totally discount his findings.  The results were a surprise to Kinsey; he didn’t just make-up bisexuality.
• There are cultures in the world where the existence of homosexuality is not recognized as such.  Many men, married and unmarried, who have regular sex with one or more women will also find sexual satisfaction with other men, without even bothering to give that action a name.
• In building this site, I did a lot of “research” of many of the most popular dating, match-making or “hook-up” web sites to get a sense of whether I should recommend them to the visitors of 99Gay-Men.us.  I was struck by the number of men who indicated they wanted to meet one man, one woman, a heterosexual couple, a gay couple or a lesbian couple for a sexual encounter. In the anonymous space of a dating site, there is not a need to solicit someone you’re not really interested in just for show.
• I’ve known several out bisexual men rather well.  They all convinced me rather easily that they are, in fact, bisexual and not just on their way to becoming gay.

One of my bisexual friends said that he had a sexual and an affectional attraction to both women and men.  That is, he enjoyed sex with either–one at a time, and he felt that he could fall in love with either.  He hoped that he would someday meet either Mr. Right or Ms. Right.  He’d be happy with either, but he really wanted to be part of a couple.

Another friend took a different tack.  He said that he enjoyed sex with men more (although he did enjoy sex with women, too), but he never felt anything like love for a man.  He believed that he could only love a woman.

On the other hand, I know a lot of gay identifying men who have had sex with women.  They would probably meet Kinsey’s definition of bisexuality.  Maybe it all depends on how you ask the question!


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Greg, Wisconsin