DJ: Coming Out to Parents, part 2 

[To read part 1, click here.]

I grew up in a very wealthy family and I have no problem saying that I was an extremely spoiled and unappreciative kid. This was true up until the day my mother found out I was gay. At that point, the tuition checks stopped coming, joint bank accounts disappeared and automatic monthly transfers into my checking account stopped. It was all gone, the only money I had left was the money in my checking account, which wasn’t a lot due to my spending habits and I didn’t have a job.

My mental separation from my parents in high school made the emotional part of my ordeal much easier. At that point, my mother had become nothing but a bank account to me. I knew she would one day stop caring about me, so I made sure I did it first in order to minimize my pain. The problem for me was the money. I had expensive habits and I wasn’t prepared for a change in lifestyle.

At first, I acted as though nothing was wrong. My tuition for second semester had already been paid, so I wouldn’t have to worry about school until the summer. The lack of money didn’t really hit home until I wanted to buy some new clothes. My friends convinced me to at least try out stores like Old Navy to see if there was anything I liked. I was reluctant, but I went. At first, I was apprehensive, I didn’t like what I saw, but as I made my way around the store, I picked out more and more things I liked. After trying on the clothes and deciding to buy them, I was shocked at what the price came out to be. I bought three entire outfits for the same price that a pair of jeans would’ve cost me had I shopped at my usual stores.

This was the beginning of my change. I had learned that cheaper clothes didn’t make me less of a person and I was on my way to learning the value of a dollar. As the semester went on, my bank account went lower and lower. I started pinching where I could to save money. I stopped ordering out four nights a week and started using my meal plan. I stopped buying things I didn’t need and switched to cheaper alternatives for what I did. By the end of the semester, I had successfully learned how to manage my money to make it last as long as possible.

 I learned the value of a dollar and I learned many money management skills along the way.  Before I was outed to my mother, I was living with my head in the clouds; spending money like it was water. Now, I know how to save and the hope that I will one day return to my previous lifestyle only makes me want to do better in school. My mother didn’t earn her money, it was given to her. I don’t want to be the same way, I’d rather earn what I have, because it makes having it so much more special. If I was still in the closet, I’d be the same person I was back in high school, a person I’m ashamed of today.

Being outed was a terrible thing for me, but I had to find the good in it. I no longer speak with either of my parents, but I’ve become a better person because of it. If I had focused on just the bad things, I wouldn’t have learned anything from the situation and it would be yet another sad coming out story. Even when it goes bad, there’s some good, you just have to look for it, no one should give up hope simply because their parents won’t accept who they are. Our experiences shape who we are and mine have surely shaped who I am today.