DJ's First Gay Date

I used to watch him in class, the way he crossed his legs, moved his arms and the accent in his voice. I always wondered if he was gay, but we had dated the same girl in middle school, which at least in my case didn’t mean anything. “Maybe he just has an outward personality” I thought. I didn’t know how to inquire, or find out for sure, so I let it go. The four years I spent in high school were filled with questions and quiet observation. I had come to terms with my sexuality, but he apparently hadn’t, that or he was actually straight.

With graduation approaching, I realized I was going to lose my chance to know for sure. I started talking to him more and became a better friend, all while praying he’d confide in me and tell me the secret I so desperately wanted him to be hiding. On graduation day, I watched him walk down the isle with his diploma, knowing that I had missed my chance to know for sure. It never crossed my mind that he may actually be straight, I just thought about how much I wanted him to come out to me. 

My hectic summer schedule before my freshman year in college all but pushed him out of my mind. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again, until I got a call one warm august night. He told me he was having a party while his parents were out of town and wanted me to come over. I was positively elated, I couldn’t wait for the day to come, clinging on to the hope that someone would happen at the party.

On the day of the party, I showered three times and put on my favorite pair of expensive jeans, hoping he would notice. I had butterflies in my stomach walking up his driveway when he opened the door to greet me. I went inside only to find that a small number of people had actually shown up. Everything seemed normal, as if we were six months in the past. We sat outside smoking, laughing and telling stories. I told a story about a guy I had dated for a week and his eyes lit up, the butterflies started going crazy in my stomach. I went inside to use the bathroom and when I came out he was standing there waiting. “You’re gay!?” he asked me, almost excitedly. I told him yes, almost fearing his response. He kissed me. My mind was going absolutely nuts, I didn’t know what to do or think. When he pulled away, he asked me why’d we have to have this conversation as we were about to leave for college. If only we’d confronted this years earlier, things would’ve been very much different.

We walked back outside and told the others we were going to the store to get some more ice. We went inside the house and carefully made our way up the creaky stair case. We went into his room and turned off the lights. I sat down on his bed with the anticipation of a lifetime. His curtains blew in the cool summer night breeze as he slowly crept into the bed on top of me. We were both leaving for college in a week, and we made the most of the time we had left.

We later returned to the party only to be questioned by many of our friends. The store was only a few blocks away, and while we tried to convince them we had to stop for gas, I noticed many questioning looks directed towards me, but I didn’t care. I was happy. For the first time in my life, I felt alive; like I had a place in the world and that everything was going to be ok for me.