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Marcus (A Reader) Writes

Editor’s Note: Because of the length of this submission, I have decided to give it a page of its own. Thanks for sharing, Marcus.

You may click here for the form to add you own non-sexual LGBT experiences or thoughts…

Hi,My name is Marcus, and lets see where I can begin.

Hmmmmm ,I am gay , have always been gay, and will always be gay,whew I feel so much better now,the truth can be so nice to hear. I didnt come out until forty or so frickn years,I was soooo terrified of being me?? Isn’t that queeer?

In my family it was always fag this and fag that, there was just no way I was going to be fag, but I was, deep down I knew the true passion that burned in my loins for each cute guy that I tried to ignore..At my high school guys would go out and hassle gays at the bars, and finally killed someone. They still vigilize his death to this day.

That was just one of the pressures that would hinder my coming out. Along with me being molested by my ninth grade biology teacher slash tennis coach. Secrecy was so important that it just became the only way to go, I think some of you can understand the downlow term…Now that I think about it , We get so good at hiding who we really are we can be any altered personality we want to create at any time and any place. How queer is that? hee , hee.

Any ways, we all have storys, and can really empathize with each other on so many related instances, like me getting married to a girl,yes a girl,gross I know , but yes! , I clo sed my eyes and plugged my nose and did the big ugly. Just to be able to fit in with the people I was exposed to at that time in my life, whew , what a high pressure situation that was, academy award performances every day. Or maybe I wasnt really fooling anyone, and everyone could tell I was as queer as a three dollar bill.

Four kids later, I finally could not be the straight papi any longer. So Out I came, boy was that a transition. As a gay trying to be straight , I let some of the most nicest people get away from me for fear. Fear of everyone knowing that I would rather be with a man than with a woman. ENOUGH of that bull____. I never meant to hurt anyone, in my quest to be myself, I could only be who I thought could fullfill the role at that particular place in time.

So now with all that drama behind me, I am trying fullfill my life with all my wants and needs that I so forever distanced. I am gay and confident about it, I dont know why some people feel the need to display their hatred for us that is a whole other Oprah episode. I do know that love only comes around in great while, while you can actually make love and not feel any thing but sexual pleasure. A great difference in the act of sex. Do you choose sex with no intimacy, or just sex for a few good minutes? Its so much easier for the latter but wiser for the first. So here I wait , writing about my story here wondering If I will ever feel that immense sensation of intimate love again.

Marcus…..

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