3 men on a beach99Gay-Men.US Operated by gSport Enterprises LLC, WI          Grab Our RSS Feed 99gay-men US
www.Gay.com

We are family friendly…to all families!           Bookmark and Share   

   

 

Gay Relationships and the Closeted Man

I’ve been doing research on the lives of gay men for a long time. For a long time, my research focused primarily upon issues pertaining to the impact of various forms of homophobia on decisions regarding a gay man desire to come out. Recently, though, the direction of my studies has shifted to models of gay dating behavior and the formation of long term relationships.

We know that among heterosexual couples, disagreements about money and instances of infidelity are two of the leading causes of relationship failures. In a gay relationship, money is an issue much less often, however, infidelity is often a problem in the relationship’s survival.

Joining the list of top stressing agents for gay couples, though, are differences in the relative degree of openness about sexual identity between the two partners. Heterosexual couples find their relationships publicly confirmed by various public actions that they make. Marriage is the ultimate such public pronouncement of their commitment to each other. But that is not the only one. Engagement or even “going steady” are also public declarations available in the culture.

If one member of a gay couple is reluctant to come out of the closet and the other is open about his sexual orientation, there is automatically severe stress in the relationship. While the open partner may want to be able to get public recognition (and potentially support) for the love that they share, the other partner can not simultaneously seek such support and keep the secret that is so frightening to him. 

This potential tension became apparent to me when my research took me to the gay personals pages of Craig’s List. I found men, young and old, who claimed to be interested in developing a long term relationship but who listed discretion among the attributes in the man they wanted to find. Clearly they did not realize the inherent conflict between their competing goals.

In the long run, one member of a couple wanting to stay in the closet and a long term relationship are quite simply incompatible.

It Doesn't Get This Hot on EHarmony! 300x250

 

 

 

 

Check-Out Our Amazon Store

Please Use Our Top Menu (Dropdown) For A Complete Listing Of Our Many Articles, Videos and More.

Gay Men Home


Coming Out
Phases:
Rewards & Pitfalls
Some Stories:
Am I Gay?
Gay Dating & Relationships
Online Dating
Date Ideas
Relationship Model + more
Find Gay Friends In The Real World
Society and Sexual Orientation
Gay News
Marriage Equality Misconceptions
Straight Guy Says
Open Letter to Straight Men
Homophobia
Homophobic Irony
Barney Frank Calls Justice Scalia A Homophobe
Gay Conversion Therapy
Bisexuality
Bi Curious
On the Down Low
Gay Stereotypes
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Video
Age Of Consent
Community
Share with Community
Film & Video
Gay Video
Pix Picks
Gay Film Reviews
Pride Shop
Your Privacy
Share
Site Map
Resources for Gay Men
Nifty Stories
Lavender Line Book
Link to Us