im a 35 yo italian bisex who only resently is completely out
I knew I was Bi at 15. Throughout High School, I was a closeted Afro-American teenager. I came to
realized that was Bi during my Freshman year of college. I cried so many nights and thought
about coming out to my parents. When the summer came, I said to myself that I was ready to
come out to my parents. I met them in the office and told them that I was Bi. My mother said
nothing. My Dad said I knew it. Then he said I don’t care who you like. I love you no matter
I grew up feeling I wasn’t very important.
My father was in the military, so we moved around a bit. Therefore, I was never able to form
lasting relationships with the people around me. And my extended family were always far away, so I
never really grew attached to them.
In addition to my father’s job, my mother also worked. We (my sister and I) were put with
babysitters, child care, and the like. I wasn’t close to my parents or my sister, but they were the
only people who were always with me wherever we moved to. I was, of course, dependent on them for
survival, but I didn’t know them and they didn’t know me.
I remember once that my parents were talking about one of my dad’s step-cousins. He was a bisexual
male living with another guy, and they were both looking to have a woman move in with them. I
remember the disgust my parents had about his “confusion,” “not knowing what he wanted.”
I’ve talked to a few men online who said their first bisexual/homosexual experiences were with
classmates or friends. Most of them seem to follow the plot of, “He said we’d do things to each
other (uaually oral), then after I did him, he left.” Personally, I never had a friend long enough
that it would have even been conveivable to do that with.
Anyway, after I left home I joined the Air Force. My parents expected me to do so, and I had
(undiagnosed) dysthymia (chronic, low-grade depression) and didn’t have
anything better to do with mytime anyway. I was stationed at Kadena AB, Okinawa, Japan. That
was where I had my first few male-on-male sexual encounters.
My first time with another man wasn’t the fantasy I’d been dreaming of. Heck, it was a
spur-of-the-moment, sordid little thing. I was in a bathroom stall at the Rec(reation) Center on my military
base. The stalls had walls that went almost down to the floor and about a foot from the
ceiling. The walls had holes in them that, if you were sitting on the toilet, you could see
the groin area of the next door neighbor.
One time when I was sitting there, doing my business, I saw some strange movements from the
stall next to mine. It looked like the person in there was rubbing himself.
But now there was a stranger in the next stall, seeming to signal that he was interested in
Breathing hard, feeling a bit faint, I started to rub myself.
After a few seconds, he passed some toilet paper where he used a felt tip pen asking if I’d like
to have some fun. Well, I was interested and we got together in one of the stalls.
And I freaked out about it afterwards.
Before this, I never really considered my sexuality. I mean, I knew I was interested in women.
Since I never felt important (something I still have to work on to this day), I never really looked
at people thinking, “Gee, I’d like to have sex with them. Wonder if they would feel the same about
me…” I did have fantasies, but always when I was alone and always with a woman as my fantasy
It took me a while to come to terms with my desire for male-to-male sex. And I regret that it
took a while. My best friend (a straight guy) in the military married a lesbian so they could move
out of the barracks and in! to a pla ce of their own. His wife had her partner living with them. I
was supposed to not know the score, but, well, I did. In addition to the two lesbians (who were
both friends to me, even though they didn’t know I knew), there were lots of gay visitors who were
happy to have a safe place to meet up. If I had been able to come to terms with my sexuality, I
would have been able to join in the group.
Since that first time, I have met with a few men, both in the Air Force and in college
afterwards. Mind you, most of them were one night stands, nothing more. About the only man I wanted
to be with as a lover was my best friend back then. I told him a few months ago about the crush I
had on him, telling him that I knew it wouldn’t have come to anything. He said that he felt
flattered about it, but agreed that he wouldn’t have been able to do anything else about it.
By an Alabama reader
Being honest with people about your sexuality is called coming out. For many gay people,
particularly if they are in their teenage years or early twenties, this can be a very worrying
time, especially when it comes to telling your parents.
Whilst it may seem the right thing to do however, it is often better that you do not tell your
parents first of all. Many people find it easier of they start by telling someone who is very close
to them; perhaps a brother or sister or another family member.
Not only will this help you to gauge how your parents are likely to react, but they can also
provide you with support and advice for when the time comes.
It is also important to understand that, in most likelihood, your parents will be shocked. Try
and prepare for this, and have your answers and reasoning practiced. Most parents are
understanding; they are people just like you and will, whether it is over a long time or not,
accept and support your decision.
The most important choice you will probably have to make is exactly when and where you choose to
drop this bombshell. For example, choosing your granny’s 90th is not recommended. Try and select a
time when it is just the two or three of you.
It is also a good idea to try and drop some clues in the lead up to your announcement; to almost
make them reach the conclusion for themselves. Indeed, they may surprise you and come to you with a
It is always best to be honest, but if you really feel your parents will freak, it may of course
be the best decision to not tell them.
Telling your parents you are gay should be an experience as individual as you are, so make sure
it is something you are comfortable with and happy to do.
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